How To: Write a Hit Song

Note : Yes this is a joke

Step One: Look Amazing

This is one of the biggest factors of writing a hit song. You may be thinking "hang on a second, what the hell does this have to do about writing a song?". Well im so sorry to inform you that we live in a world where sex sells. Looks are EVERYTHING! If you are naturally a really ugly person DO NOT PANIC! It is not the end of the road for you... We do have surgery available to sexify yourself.

The only time you can panic is if you look like this:

...then we have a problem and you should consider another career.

















Step Two: Write The Lyrics

This is one of the easiest steps. Lyrics ARE NOT important. Write about drugs , parties , sex , drinking , sex , love , parties , drugs and getting drunk. In fact there are two really effective ways to come up with lyrics without even knowing how to write english.

Method One: This only works if you have a younger sibling. Approach your younger sibling, preferably around the ages of 2-10, and ask them to write down some rhyming words. There you have it. Instant lyrics. And you thought your younger brother/sister was useless.

Method Two: Take alot of laxatives! Go to the toilet and in a swift motion of your preferred hand , wipe yourself. And there you have it. Instant lyrics.

Combine both methods for a mega smash hit.


Step Three: Compose A Melody


This is another easy step. Play a couple notes on a keyboard and just loop it over and over and over and over again until you can make the song around 3 minutes. If your stuck for ideas , simply sample it from another song. Look its easy.

Blogger song by Jade Kingston

So there you have it. Three easy steps to writing a successful song.